March.. Spring.. Bluebirds.. Shoulder.. Tweetin'..

New month. Definitely quitting smoking today. Once I've finished this pack of ten.

It's a real b*tch trying to unravel Walkman earphones in the middle of a packed commuter train… um… I mean iPod. Obviously.

By far the best thing about my new car are the cup holders. And the fact that it ISN'T a f***ing BMW.

At the company's annual golf club dinner and prize giving counting all my medals. Also have 'free drink' vouchers to use. Gonna be messy…

Bed at 2am. Alarm at 6:56am. Golf at 8:07am. Bubble bath at 12:36pm. LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG afternoon nap at 1:00pm!

Michelle Williams has come a long way since 'Dawson's Creek'. Great in 'Brokeback Mountain'. Outstanding in 'Blue Valentine'. And so cute.

The air con/heating in the office is goosed. If anyone has glass needing cut, I have the perfect nipples for the job.

Up - 4:45am. Flight - 6:35am. Divert to Stansted. Covent Gdn - 10:30am. Tube f’d 6:20pm. Flight delay 2hrs. Home - 11:40pm. HATE f'n London!

WTF happened to Boots at the Gyle? It's HUGE! Can't find my moisturiser anywhere! Um… I mean hair mousse! Eh… I mean condoms. Obviously.

When you finish on a weight machine at the gym, do you ever move the pin down so the girl who's waiting thinks you're "cut"? No, me neither.

Retweet this if you know someone, or have someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone…
(…cont) or even if you've heard of someone who doesn't know anyone, then still copy this. It's important to spread the message.

Went to see 'Animal Kingdom' tonight (think, Australian Sopranos rather than cuddly Disney theme park) and was blown away. Not literally.

Spend about 3 hours (and £57) trying to win £10 in the office Red Nose Day putting challenge. Don't say I never do my bloody bit for charity!

Early start to go play in the Eyemouth Golf Club Winter Open. Would've been more fun staying at home, shaving my head and chewing tinfoil.

Compound yesterday's misery by slogging round Castle Course in St. Andrews. Remind me never to play golf again before the clocks go forward.

Why, when I faithfully buy every new REM album touted as "the best in 10 years", am I always disappointed. Nothing has surpassed "Green".

So-called 'friend' gives me 200 duty free cigs from USA. Gonna have to quit again at month end. *shrugs shoulders in that 'no ma fault' way*

Finally got round to buying the ‘new’ Prefab Sprout album. WTF was I thinking? It’s far too cheery.

How did I miss ‘Moon’ at the movies last year? Great, great film.

Scotland's Census 2011, Question 13: What religion, religious denomination or body do you belong to? (Question is voluntary) Answer: Jedi

Oh, Sophie Raworth… Sophie, Sophie, Sophie... Or Susanna Reid? Or even Emily Maitlis? I’m torn…

No wait… Gillian Anderson photo shoot in this week’s Radio Times… is it Christmas?

Actually… I quite like the new REM album now.

NO Mrs… you cannot just "park" your f*****g BMW 4x4 in the middle of the f*****g High Street with the f*****g hazard lights on outside the nursery so that your precious, obese, buddle of f*****g joy only has 20 f*****g yards to waddle to the front door. (I realise that was WAY more than 140 characters but sometimes, there just aren't enough letters in the f*****g English language for burning issues of the day like this. F*****s!)

Somebody told me today that I'm "WAY too old to be wearing clothes with hoods". But they're wrong. Aren't they?