Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Au Pair/Parental FAQ

After last week’s melting incident with the naked flame of a lighter, I’ve been pondering other potential tricky situations that parents and those to whom they outsource their childcare management needs, encounter on a regular basis.

I’m sure there must be a ton of overpriced books out there by Dr Phil or Oprah or Johnny Ball (remember him? Zoe’s Dad?) offering complicated and long winded solutions, usually involving some kind of reward system or sensitive show of affection. But I reckon an interactive, internet database of all possible problems is the key to their swift resolution and the spreading of the gospel.

So to get the ball rolling, here’s one or two questions I’ve been frequently asking myself over the past couple of weeks. All opinions and answers welcome together with fresh predicaments to be unraveled. Remember, a problem shared is a problem multiplied throughout the population so that it’s not just you that wakes up screaming in the night.

- Does popcorn smothered in melted butter constitute a healthy and balanced after-school snack?
- Is there no limit to the number of reasons why homework can be delayed/evaded/ignored all together?
- Does a child ever say, “I think it’s time for me to go bed now.”?
- Who is Ashanti?.. or Ashlee Simpson?.. or Ja Rule Featuring Fat Joe & Jadakiss?
- What is an acceptable length of time to lock a child in a basement after a tantrum?

More to come once I’ve had a lie down.


At 20/1/05 2:34 pm, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

oh you are in for some fun bucko.
kids love when you threaten them with ridiculous threats you will never carry out, i.e., I will rip your legs off and beat you to death with your own bloody stump.
are they nice kids? or should i not ask?

At 20/1/05 10:55 pm, Blogger bigalsyerpal said...

Hey soapy - whats all this? what's a blog? what do you have to say to get it withdrawn by the administrator?

So many questions.

Hope your enjoying yourself but its here too - it was snowy on Tuesday - beat that!

Your best mate,

Big Al

I've got some new magic tricks to show you. Still can't do the levitation one every well.

At 21/1/05 2:11 pm, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

you wunt believe the amount of stuff on the net...was reading about yer golfing championships...not stalkin,loike, yunnerstan'? Yer all mad.
Life in the Small Apple is boring as hell and me poor cat is sick so no travels for me this weekend. Bollix. I'll have to go get hammered tonight instead. Whoopie!

At 27/1/05 6:13 pm, Blogger DC said...

In my experience most children are likely to swear on their very own father's life that homework simply doesn't exist.

Ashanti, Usha blah blah... impress these boys with Doug & the Fatties, AHB, & your alter -ego The Notorious NWB - sounds like a controversial rappa gangsta dude, and simply can't fail.For face melting R&R I'm sure you've played them The Signals greatest moment, AHB Live at the Alma Theatre or Mindless.

I don't think there is any limit to basement confinement - just remember how many years your own family kept you locked in the loft.




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