No Sh*t Sherlock

I think it’s about time I got myself a job in one of those stating-the-frickin’-obvious scientific research projects. Last week, microbiologists at Birmingham University announced that “sweets really can give you energy” after bacteria fed on caramel and nougat waste produced hydrogen which energised a fuel cell. The muppets could’ve saved themselves the bother by feeding chocolate buttons to three year-olds and then standing well back.

So I’m currently seeking substantial levels of funding for my “beer really can make you fall over” and “sex really can make you sleepy, eh sorry, happy” projects. Oh, and I need a couple of lab assistants. Interested? (Not YOU Dave!)