Tuesday, January 03, 2006

So You Wanna Be A Newspaper Columnist?

Funny thing. I spent a large part of Christmas Day writing this little story for the newspaper but for some reason or other it didn’t get published last Tuesday. Nobody seems to know why. On New Years’s Day, I started to write a different story for this week but then I thought, “Its New Year’s Day Goddamit! And I’ve got drinkin’ to do.” So I just tweaked last week’s story, resubmitted it and popped the cork on my first (but not last) bottle of red wine of the day. And today they printed it here.

Next Sunday I’ll continue trying to write the story I was going to write this week and since I’m such a magnanimous artist/lazy git, here’s your chance to get involved, earn money and free up some more red wine-sippin’ time for me.

Currently, the newspapers are full of writers giving their funny/candid/sombre/preachy reviews of 2005. But what would be funnier, I thought, would be to write a review of 2006 (not sure yet how I’ll explain the time travelling but it’ll probably involve Billie Piper) with a series of funny/candid/surreal/ridiculous observations of things that happened in the year ahead… if you see what I mean.

I’ve got a couple of ideas but any others you’d like to contribute will be gratefully received. They can be as ludicrous as you like (in fact the more ludicrous the better) and can cover any subject area – politics, celebrity weddings, bird flu, crap television, England winning the World Cup (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!) etc. Any that I use/steal will be recompensed in hard cash with a direct proportion of my weekly fee or with sexual favours – the choice is yours.

Meantime, I need to catch up on my sleep because I’ve just spent what seemed like three days watching King Kong at the cinema. Good, but WAAAY too long… although I’ll never tire of looking at Naomi Watts.

Catch you later in the week when I wake up.


At 3/1/06 6:37 pm, Anonymous wendi said...

i imagine you could write a review of your time spend in texas drinking sangria

At 4/1/06 5:14 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A couple of suggestions for you.

1. Winning the Ryder Cup in April in Scottsdale. "How we did it in style"
2. Reviewing a sparkling wedding wedding you will be attending in Austin sometime in 2006.
3. Developing your strategy for dealing with Tommy/Fraser next Christmas.(could be a long running theme.....)
4. Franz Ferdinand - Whits that all about 3.

All the best and Happy New Year Bro

At 4/1/06 9:50 am, Blogger Stuart Sutherland said...


An obvious part of your review of the year will be your thoughts on picking up an award or two at the Bloggies 2006.

See http://2006.bloggies.com/

I've nominated you in two categories. Get your expanding fan base over to that nomination form now. That includes you too Miss Tude!!

At 4/1/06 11:17 am, Blogger Lesley said...

2006 will be remembered as the year England had so many injuries in the team (due to that historic heatwave which affected the whole of South Britain but inexplicably stopped at Hadrian's Wall from where the usual summer snowstorms over the border could be observed)that, at the very last moment, they asked the Scottish team to stand in for them in Germany. After a short debate at Holyrood taking only three weeks, the Scots agreed to go. The Tartan Army was raised in double quick time, the team was kitted out with Union Jack shorts and off they all went. Of course, they were knocked out in the first round, this is Planet Earth we're talking about not some parallel universe.


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