Friday, December 23, 2005

Spanking The Penguin

Well, did you get caught spanking the penguin at work today? Just after lunch, I endured the following conversation at my desk with my pal Jimmy.

Neil: “What the fuck do you want? Eh…sorry. I mean how’s it goin’ Jimmy? Merry Christmas mate.”
Jimmy: “I was actually looking for Elaine. But since I’m here let me tell you that I got 323 spanking the penguin today.”
Neil: “Bollocks, you’re talking shite man! My pal Wendi in Texas holds the record and that’ll never be beaten.”
Jimmy: “I’m telling ya. 323. No problem.”
Neil: “Jimmy, have you no got work to do? I’m no even meant to be in today and I’m up to my eyes in it. Now piss off and leave us alone.”
Jimmy (shuffling towards the door muttering under his breath and punching the office “swear box” as he passed): “Three hundred and twenty fucking three. I’ll fucking show him.”

An hour goes by and before I know it, I hear the unmistakable limping noise of Jimmy and his club foot lunging frantically towards me again.

Jimmy: “THERE! I fucking told you.”

And sure enough, there he was clutching a piece of paper showing a score of 323.4. Which means he must have…

1. Shuffled furiously back to his desk.
2. Grabbed his mouse in frustration.
3. Indulged in an intense, one-hour’s worth of penguin spanking.
4. FINALLY beaten the current record.
5. Taken a screen print of the victorious score.
6. Blew it up to a more visible size.
7. Sent it to print.
8. Tore it out of the printer before it finished printing.
9. Shuffled his way back to my desk.
10. Slapped it down in front of me in triumph.

Or else he photo-shopped the whole thing. Sorry Wendi but the poor quality photograph below does indeed shows the offending paper and the 323.4 score.

Five minutes later young Craig in my team claimed to have scored 328 but alas, he didn’t abide by the new rules and his failure to capture it in print means it remains forever unqualified. I can’t decide which is sadder – the highest score without proof or ANY score with proof!

22.59 Update: Jimmy, read it and weep pal! Merry Christmas!


At 23/12/05 7:56 pm, Blogger McSporran said...

check this out for the original penguin spank and a few more as well...

At 23/12/05 7:56 pm, Blogger McSporran said...

Sorry, forgot the link

At 24/12/05 1:49 am, Blogger The Other Half said...

ha! you crack me up...i wonder if i'm the only woman who participates in spanking my penguin? sounds like man's work to me

At 25/12/05 1:02 pm, Blogger Neil said...

It IS mainly man's work but it's one of the few activities where women are actively encouraged to join in and play a full and equal part.

At 14/2/06 10:53 pm, Anonymous Danny M said...

Well Neil ive equalled the 323.5, have screenshot to prove it! Can you get higher? Anyways great blog, love it!

At 6/6/08 3:02 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are all pussies i spank penguins 1200 easly


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