I Can See Clearly Now...

One of the benefits of working for a large, multinational conglomerate is that they often provide services free of charge that you’d otherwise have to pay for. Drugs, porn, farmyard animals, lap-dancers and handguns are just a few of the things yet to make the list so meantime we have to make do with more mundane courtesies– like eye tests.

I’ve never needed to wear glasses or contact lenses but it’s been a long time since I’ve had my eyes tested and lately they’ve given me some cause for concern. Like the fact that I can’t believe my eyes when everyone I see walking around seems to have exactly the same scarf tied in exactly the same way.

So on Monday, an optometrist was visiting our office to conduct free eye tests (and very nice she was too) so I wandered along to get checked out/check her out. When all the reading tests and different lens tests and (very) close examination with a Men In Black-type bright light thingy were concluded, she said to me, “Well there’s certainly nothing wrong with your eyes. In fact for someone your age you have bionic vision.”

It took great strength of will for me not to leer at her chest and answer, “Bionic’s fine. But how do I get the X-ray version?”