Whit's THAT Aw Aboot? 1

The first law of getting older is that things you once accepted without question become more confusing and alien to your fragile (and increasingly senile) sensibilities. Teenagers for example. And that crap “music” they listen to. And their stupid dress sense. And the unintelligible “language” they mumble. And people who have too much hand luggage on airplanes. And automatic ticket barriers at railway stations. And people who put their toilet roll under rather than over… you get the idea.

It’s at times like these you need a short and snappy phrase to sum up your shock, awe and utter bewilderment and to complement the scrunched up frown and deformed sneer that hijacks your face.

And thanks to my good pal Sharon at work, I now have one. At the slightest hint of an intrusive event or situation that threatens to challenge our accepted view of the world, we’ll look at each other with jaws agape and shoulders shrugged and bellow, “…insert ludicrous scenario… Whit’s THAT aw aboot?”

Of course we’ve now taken this to extremes and have ended up using the phrase wantonly to brighten our day at every opportunity. Just the other week I came off the phone and… ha, ha, ha, it was hilarious so stop me if you’ve heard it before… I turned to Sharon and said, “The weekly PTP report is now due on a Monday! In triplicate! Whit’s THAT aw aboot?” How we laughed at this crazy, mixed up world.

Anyway, all of this serves as a preface to the real burning issue I wanted to talk about. Which is…

...that fancy-pants way that people now wear their scarves. Whit’s THAT aw aboot?”

This will be the first time in three years I’ve spent a full winter in Scotland so the fancy-pants way that people now wear their scarves stands out to me like a sore thumb that’s been whacked with a big hammer and is now throbbing twice it’s size in a cartoon-like fashion.

You must have seen it. It involves folding your scarf in half, wrapping it round your neck and slotting the loose ends through the loop made by the fold in the middle. It’s incredible. EVERYBODY seems to wear it like that now. And even more incredible is the fact that 99% of people who wear their scarves like that have the loop coming over their left shoulder and the loose ends coming over their right.

So here’re my questions. Who invented it? Why did it start? When did it start? Where did it start? How did it start? Why can’t men carry it off with any style whatsoever (seriously guys, you're scarves are WAY too short so it looks like you’ve had a Michelin Man neck surgically added to your shoulders)? What’s next? Woolly hats WITHOUT bobbles? The world’s gone mad.

If anyone can bring my scarves education up to par by telling me “what that is all about”, I’d be much obliged. And now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’m away for a lie down.

Coming soon: Light/Lite beer. Whit’s THAT aw aboot?