Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Love Dress

If you’ve tuned in to catch up on this week’s enthralling instalment of how-unemployment-gives-you-time-for-a-right-good-scratch, then I’m sorry to say there’s not much of an update. Today is my second day without a (proper) job and so far I’ve learned that…

1. It’s great sleeping beyond 9.00am.
2. There really IS loads of time to have a right good scratch.

I didn’t even have to submit a new piece to the newspaper this week since I was able to take last week’s unpublished effort and just change the timeline a bit.

Later this week I’ll be taking time between naps to investigate things that confuse me such as the motorway warning sign “DON’T TAKE DRUGS AND DRIVE”. Every time I see this I read it as, “TAKE DRUGS DUDE! BUT JUST GET YOSELF A KICK ASS BROTHER TO DRIVE YOU AND YO LADIES AROUND!” (Don’t try and tell me I’m not “down with the street lingo”.)

Anyway, for those of you reading this at work as the Level 3 Heatwave (official Met Office alarmist phrase) pours through the window of your non air-conditioned office making you wish you had a wardrobe full of linen clothing which, excuse me, is the most ridiculous, impractical fabric ever invented (apart from my old Miami Vice suit), then here’s a little joke I was sent recently to cheer you up. Enjoy.

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door and then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I'm waiting for John to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.
“But you're naked!” exclaimed the mother-in-law.
“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.
“Love dress? But you're naked!”
“John loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me.”

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

“What are you doing?” he asked.
“This is my love dress,” she whispered, sensually.
“Needs ironing,” he said. “What's for dinner?”


At 4/7/06 4:10 pm, Blogger nikelnaken said...

lol thats really funny. sounds like something i would do

At 6/7/06 3:48 pm, Blogger The Other Half said...

i think mine does too

At 6/7/06 7:21 pm, Anonymous deborah said...

You definitely need to get back to work Neil, sounds like you have been guffawing in the pub with braying males (all stuck in early adolescence) for too long already!

I agree about linen ..... but there must be a snob factor somewhere .....

At 7/7/06 9:19 pm, Blogger Lesley said...

Yes, that's a terrible joke Neil. You have to get out more and stop watching those Benny Hill videos.


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