Never Mind The Bollocks...

… Here Come The… um… sh#t, we forgot to think of a name!

I know what you’re thinking… the clocks have just gone back here in the UK condemning you to six months of seemingly endless darkness and signalling the imminent arrival of Brussel sprouts to spoil your Christmas. What I really need, you think to yourself, is to get out of the house and travel as many miles as it takes to find some quality live music in the amiable surroundings of a venue selling strong liquor.

Well you’re in luck because tomorrow I’m heading south to meet up with my cousin Franc (you remember him?) and begin rehearsals for our forthcoming ‘concert tour’. Vast arenas, state of the art sound systems, laser-induced light shows, legions of roadies, backstage parties, excitable groupies and illegal substances are just a few of the things we won’t be experiencing during our Takin’ It To The People Tour 2006 which, if we’re totally honest, should really be called the Takin’ It To The People Of A Small Corner Of Warwickshire Tour 2006, if the venues listed below are anything to go by.

But no matter, because it’s all about the music (right?) and your journey will be well rewarded with the sweet harmonic sounds of Lennon, McCartney (not Heather), Simon, Garfunkel, Mclean, Martyn, Buckley, Petty, Rice, Gray, Johnson, Gallagher, Hendry, The Signals, Snow Patrol, Crowded House and many, many more. There may even be a few Barenaked Ladies!

If you need a little help imagining the elaborate staging of these prodigious events (and NO Hammy, I WON’T be wearing my chunky ‘folk jumper’) then the picture below should give you a clue as to the levels of raw, sexual energy that will be emitted. It’s just not a proper gig unless you perform each song with the angsty eyes-tight-shut.

This is a photo of New Zealand brothers Neil & Tim Finn (from Split Enz and Crowded House) who Franc and I saw in Edinburgh a couple of years back and… hey, hang on a minute… they’re related and they play gigs together… THAT’S what we should call ourselves - The Sutherland Brothers… except we’re not brothers… and wasn’t there already a band called that… so, what about… The Sutherland Cousins… nah, a bit of a mouthful (as our groupies would say!) so… The Finn Cousins!!!

So, we’re looking forward to seeing you at one (or all) of the gigs below. If for some crazy reason you can’t make it, then perhaps you could lend me your video camera instead and I’ll arrange to record the shows and put them on the internet so we can be discovered and become famous and finally buy ourselves Raleigh Chopper bikes and arrange gigs in a town near you. Let’s… ahem… ROCK!

Thurs 2nd Nov – The George Inn, Barford St Michael, near Bloxham.
Fri 3rd Nov – Chandlers Arms, Epwell, between Banbury and Shipston on Stour
Sat 4th Nov (2 – 5pm) – The Two Boats, Long Itchington, near Southam
Sat 4th Nov – The Bridge, Napton on the Hill, near Southam

P.S. I think the only pub missing from this list is The Slaughtered Lamb! And best bring along your Morris Dancing gear in case we suck and need a distraction for a fast exit!