Something For The Weekend 15

Last week, my young friend Dave informed me that he’s heading off to New York tomorrow with his “significant other” so I promised him I’d trawl my travelling memories for some top tips on the Big Apple; the main one being, of course, “pack lots of custard.” Ha, ha, ha. You know… apples… pies… custard… aw never mind.

But when I got round to thinking about it, I realised that there’s really not a great deal to do in New York unless you’re a fan of tall buildings and people who shout a lot. And besides Dave, since I’ve written a little bit about the city before, I went out and discovered something else to tell you about this week that I think you’ll enjoy more.

It’s a website you can access at work and is especially suited to you today as you search for ways to wind down before your, no doubt, well deserved holiday. In fact, without much effort, you could easily wile away a good couple of hours of the working day chortling at its contents. I would imagine. Anyhoo, it’s called…

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/

…and is “a satirical news website which exposes the absurdities of modern life to rigorous scrutiny with ‘hilarious results’.” It was created by journalists Neil Rafferty and Paul Stokes both of whom have been columnists with major national newspapers in the past until the day they got THAT call from the editor informing them that “yeah, we really like yer stuff ‘n aw that like… honest… but the… um… paper’s going through some changes so thanks for aw yer hard work like ‘n best ‘o luck in all yer future endeav.. endov.. thingys. And don’t even think aboot stealing the stapler.”

The site was only launched yesterday (finger, pulse or what?) so kick off your shoes Dave, get your honkin’ feet up on the desk and catch up on all the latest news.

From the world of entertainment…
“Brad & Angelina In Bank Charge Refund Victory”

In politics…
“Three Year-Olds To Learn Klingon In Labour Manifesto Pledge”

And from the world of sport…
“Jesus ‘Put Me Off’ At 14th Green Says Woods”

Brilliant stuff. You’ll love it.

Oh, and I suppose if you’re really stuck for things to do in New York, you could do what I did and get a tattoo in Greenwich Village, get an artery-bustin’ dose of the meat sweats at Carnegie’s or Katz’s Deli and every time you come to the end of a block, spin round with joy and throw your funky knitted hat in the air. You’ve really no idea what I’m talking about now, have you?

Two things to watch out for though…

1. Fifth Avenue. That’s where Tiffanys is and nothing good can possibly come from going in there.

2. You might think your Peruvian Peasant Trousers are the bees’ b#llocks, sartorially-speaking, but if you insist on wearing them out to a NY comedy club at night, be prepared to suffer a sh#tload of abuse along the lines of “Ladies ‘n Gennellmen… Dave Lee Roth in da house!”