Friday, December 05, 2008

Something For The Weekend 46


How’s it going mate? Was good to see you and catch up last week at the football although to be frank, I really didn’t get the opportunity to do much of either, what with you having to chase me round the place and eat my dust as I powered through the evening utilising bionic body parts I never knew I had… lungs, I think they’re called.

I had lots of things of a cultural nature to point your unfeasibly tiny head towards this weekend. For example, how f#cking good is the BBC’s ‘History of Scotland’ at the moment? Lots of lovely eye-candy for the ladies and your good self in the shape of hunky archaeologist presenter Neil Oliver and a Planet-Earth-meets-Lord-of-The-Rings-style narrative experience which makes our country look absolutely awesome. Worth every penny of the licence fee alone.

But to be honest mate, you’ve caught me at a bad time and I’m just way too angry and aggressive at the moment to articulate the arts and sciences to you in a fashion that both educates and illuminates and makes you ever-so-slightly pee your panties in excitement. It’s a bit like that time we were in Myrtle Beach and you started throwing your golf clubs around in a hissy fit because the beer girl was, quote “not fit or tanned enough to be riding round in a cart selling alcohol to the likes of me” which climaxed with you thrashing about on the green in a toddlers tantrum, big red face bursting with tears and snot when you didn’t get your way. Disgraceful.

Apart from working some long hours just now, my main reason for wanting to punch the face of the first person every morning who says to me in some shrill, chirpy, high-pitched f#cking voice, “So how’s the non-smoking going then, Neily boy?” is the fact that the much anticipated, triumphant homecoming, 25th anniversary, Christmas gig by Falkirk rock legends The Signals is not now going ahead on Sunday December 21st. I realise that for many people out there this renders Christmas completely pointless but – as many a Project Manager likes to say to explain away the fact that something has seriously f#cked up – “we are where we are” so let’s keep warm by huddling round the fatuous ‘reality’ f#cking television and make the best of it.

Talking of keeping warm, how about those geniuses at the Institute for Weather & Guaranteed Lottery Number Prediction who issued the ‘severe weather warning’ for central Scotland on Wednesday? I obviously neglected to read the small print where it no doubt stated something like “going to be severely f#cking mild for this time of year”. Nice one professors.

Anyway Dave, I know you’ll have a relaxing weekend since your Christmas shopping is now complete after I sold you the things we’ll never talk about in public. Ever. Me? I might go out and buy a cat so I have something to kick when I get in from work each night next week… either that or I’ll buy the double issue special edition of the Radio Times on Saturday, let my hair down and party like crazy with a set of highlighter pens arranged neatly in rainbow spectrum-order and a long cool glass of milk. Rock ‘n roll eh?

Cheers, Edge


At 5/12/08 7:07 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Edge,

Ah, Myrtle Beach. Happy memories. Incidentally, Electric Six have a new album out - first song is Gay Bar Part 2. Sadly not a patch on Gay Bar Part 1.

Music wise I have been listening to the new Guns N Roses album. Despite what the critics say, I like it. I also like the new Glasvegas EP with the sure to be popular on Radio 1 song F**ck, You It's Over. That's a bummer with your gig dude.

Film wise, I am waiting patiently on Lyn taking me to see Madagascar 2. The new Micky Rourke one looks awesome as well. And how ripped does Hugh Jackman look on the new Empire?! Wolverine is going to be awesome!

Am off Monday so Blousie and Fergie are taking me to Winter Wonderland and I hope to get a shot on the big wheel and maybe some fudge if I behave myself and do exaclty as they demand.

Pretty much very excited about Christmas. Less than 3 weeks now! In fact I was at my Christmas lunch today but didn't drink and left after the food. Got a bit of man-flu at the moment so it's a quiet night in store.

Take it easy dude.



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