Something For The Weekend 45

Dave,

How the f#ck are you mate? Good I hope. Me? Well, it’s been 97.53 f#cking hours (approx.) since I last smoked a cigarette so if you’re expecting flowery, Jane Austen-like prose while I gaily lead you through a spring meadow of cultural events and recommendations before stripping off my corset and diving headlong into a clear blue pond to pluck you a water lily from the bottom and then emerging dripping and flushed, then you are sadly F#CKING mistaken. I am frazzled. And a bit twitchy... you lookin’ at me..? well ARE you…?

[This post is pausing here momentarily at Curseville. Passengers who’d rather not proceed on to Stereotypical Gender Abusetown, by way of Easily Offended County, please alight here. And take your ridiculously large f#cking handbags with you while you’re at it. Thank you and good day.]

Chr#st, imagine the state I’d be in if I was a woman. Who was an Air Traffic Controller. At Thanksgiving. And pre-menstrual. And only owned 23 pairs of shoes. And had to drive to the shops. Without make-up. Or a map (for all the good THAT would do). To find them SHUT! HO-LEE SH#T!

Anyway, enough already about the 97.68 f#cking hours (approx.) since I last smoked a cigarette. What can I recommend to you by way of something cultural that, fingers crossed, takes place in a non-smoking building with highly flammable (inflammable?) chemicals all around?

Music
This week your ex “room mate” Big G sent me a copy of the new Verve album “Forth”, a surprising departure from recent form as whatisface and the boys strap on their mandolins for ten folksy ballads about the famous Scottish river and all who sail/swim/drown in her. No, not really. ‘Love is Noise’ (ain’t THAT the truth) is a great song and the rest are still growing on me. If only I could make out the song titles on the rather grainy photocopied cover... *tut*

Gigs

The big one, of course, is next Friday as The Signals take part in some charity gig at some venue near Falkirk with some other bands at some time during that evening. (You’ll know more when I know more.) This is a similar event to the one you attended last year Dave when Blousie totally f#cked up the videoing, thereby failing to capture you rushing the stage in a vain attempt to remove my ‘fitted’ t-shirt. Some tickets for next week still available priced £5 if you’d like to try again?

In other concert news… actually, on second thoughts, that’s not until next year… plus I’m a little ashamed about what I did… so let’s just say that if you have a little patience, I’ll tell you after Christmas and we'll leave it at that…

Television
Very excited about the imminent return of Sky 1 to my Virgin digibox and with it, ‘Lost’ and ‘Battlestar Galactica’… Don’t tell my sister-in-law but I started watching ‘Lipstick Jungle’ and because Jack Bauer’s ex is in it, I quite like it… ‘John Adams’ continues to be brilliant on More 4 (forget the f#cking I-Player, More 4 has been unmissable throughout this election season)… and despite the lack of an appearance by Gillian Anderson, I’m enjoying the latest Charles Dickens adaptation on the BBC, ‘Scarface – The Putney Years’… “say ‘allo to ma Leetle Dorrit friend”...

Movies
Haven’t seen Bond yet… watched Indiana Jones IV again last weekend and it gets worse on every viewing… absolutely LOVED Wall-E, I tell you, don’t watch that film without some top ice cream and a serious box of tissues, ‘nuff said… but the best film I’ve seen all year with the absolute FUNNIEST FINAL SCENE IN A MOVIE EVER was ‘Burn After Reading’, the latest from the Coen Brothers. Very original and very funny. What more could you want… apart from longing for the days when you could smoke in a cinema… phhhhhhhh, aaaahhhhh… 98.03 f#cking hours (approx.) now… gotta go to my bed before I start lighting up my socks…

Cheers, Edge