Something For The Weekend 44

Dear Dave,

How are you mate? Long time no fondle, eh? Well it’s been another tumultuous week in our dizzy world of high finance market stock index thingys which came to a head on Wednesday when, after a lunchtime visit to the local biscuit factory, a colleague in the office had the barefaced temerity to suggest that I couldn’t eat 50 Toffee Pops in one day. (He doesn’t know me very well.) Tune in again at the end of November when I will execute this Cool Hand Luke-like challenge in aid of the Tiny Tims In Need charity day and in so doing, will wipe that sneery smirk off his sly coupon and on to the other side of his shoulders.

But enough of this high brow stuff. What other dumbed down cultural delights should I be pointing your handsome rugged features toward (or not) in a Kirsty “You Just Know She Would” Wark, Newsnight Review-type of way?

Cinema
So how was ‘Tropic Thunder’? I haven’t seen it yet but last weekend I dragged my sorry ass out to see ‘Star Wars – The Clone Wars’ with my two newest best friends, Jerry and Ben, and OMG was it a big pile of stinkin’ cartoon poo. Mind you, I say that but if the truth be told I fell asleep for most of it when I realised Princess Leia was not going to dance in her golden bikini around the “pole” in Jabba’s palace. Talking of which, if you haven’t gotten an engagement present for that lovely fiancé of yours yet, I’m sure THIS would go down a storm. Let me know. And take pictures.

Music (and Television) Part 1
You simply MUST tune into ‘Later with Jools Holland’ on BBC2 tonight Dave because you’re going to see a very rare appearance from one of my all time favourite songwriters, John “Don’t F#cking Call Me Cougar” Mellencamp. Thankfully, he’s finally managed to get himself a passport and leave his kibbutz in Indiana and, after being presented with a “prestigious” Q award in London earlier this week, I really hope he does THIS CLASSIC SONG, my all time rockin’ favourite. Which begs the question… why the f#ck do The Signals not cover this? Donald?

Television
I’m totally riveted by all this election fever in the States at the moment (‘The Daily Show’ and ‘The Colbert Report’ are essential nightly viewing) and was glued to the screen the other night to see just how badly that Sarah Palin woman could f#ck up the Vice Presidential debate. But to my surprise, she really didn’t (leaving to one side the rather prevalent habit of not actually answering any of the questions that were asked) so I was left somewhat deflated. Still, with four weeks to go till the election there’s plenty time yet.

But forget all that Strictly X-Factor Dancing reality p#sh that’s spewed out on a Saturday night Dave. Make your chubby wee fingers turn to Channel 4 instead where you’ll find the wonderful Paul Giamatti (remember ‘Sideways’?) playing the lead role in historical drama ‘John Adams’. I love all that ‘Down With The British, No Taxation Without Constipation, Tea Party In Boston” malarkey and, being an HBO film, it doesn’t get much better than this.

Sport
Normally I’d wax lyrical about how I’m playing golf at gorgeous Gullane tomorrow – as well as at Craigmillar this afternoon on a spare day’s holiday – but my thoughts are squarely concentrated instead on my wee-est of wee brothers, Keithy, as he gets set to run the Chicago Marathon on Sunday.

Years ago, he ran the Falkirk Half Marathon and I turned up on the route for support, armed with a bottle of Lucozade and a Mars bar in case he needed an athlete’s emergency burst of NRGGGG. As he jogged past me I broke into what could only be described as a “flat out sprint”, arms outstretched with the survival goodies but alas, I couldn’t catch him and keeled over in a wheezing mass of flab some 50 yards later. I thought at first that he might have speeded up to get away from me but realised later this was just my delirious imagination working overtime, an unfortunate result of the blood pouring out of my ears.

So Dave, since it’s not worth investing in our company’s shares anymore – currently trading at 3 Blue Smarties per share on Wall Street, a 50% fall from yesterday’s high of 6 Brown Peanut M&Ms – why not put your money instead to a very worthy cause, close to the hearts of the Sutherland clan, by visiting...

www.firstgiving.com/keithsutherland.

Music Part 2
Finally Dave, I have to tell you I really love that new album from Elbow – ‘The Seldom Seen Kid’ – and have been listening to it constantly for weeks now. I know you’re going through something of a Metallica “love-in” at the minute but put your tongue away and take time out from your leather fetish to check it out if you can. ‘One Day Like This’ (love this video) is current favourite to be my song of the year and the sentiment is spot on…

“Throw those curtains wide, one day like this a year’d see me right.”

Damn tootin’… could be today.

Cheers, Edge

P.S. A very happy birthday to my eldest nephew Joe. He’s 20 today. Here he is with two of his brothers. He’s the one on the right.