Tuesday, February 22, 2005

And The Oscar Goes To... Part 1

After two hectic days and nights of dissecting and scrutinising this year’s list of Oscar nominees with my revolutionary RHM© theory, I’ve finally come up with a definitive list of who will win all the major prizes on Oscar night this coming Sunday. I’ve seen most but not all of the nominated films and performances but that matters not a jot.

The beautiful simplicity and infallible genius of the RHM© theory is that it guarantees a correct and objective outcome in a subjective medium with only the minimum amount of input or effort. Still, where appropriate, I’ve weighed in with my artistic opinions of who should win where these have differed from the RHM© solutions.

So without any further ado, or a two-hour opening musical number, here are the first of my scientific findings.

Best Film
Two of the five nominees in this category are fictional stories and one of those, “Sideways”, has no extensive make-up jobs or handicaps of any kind… unless you count the male characters’ phobia surrounding commitment, an ailment that is, unbelievably, still not recognised by any reputable medical organization throughout the world. But I digress. “Sideways” should win but the RHM© theory says otherwise.

Clint Eastwood’s “Million Dollar Baby”, the other fictional story, has a great chance, especially with the inclusion of a character’s physical handicap that would spoil the plot if I said any more.

Of the others, I’ve seen “Finding Neverland”, the JM Barrie/Peter Pan story, which is average at best, but I haven’t seen “Ray”, the Ray Charles story.

So, continuing a long Hollywood tradition of rewarding great American tales of endeavour and pioneermanshipness, the Oscar will go to “The Aviator”, the Howard Hughes story.

Best Director
The only director included here whose film isn’t also nominated for best film is Mike Leigh for “Vera Drake”. This, of course, is the perennial, token British contribution which will sink without trace by midnight on Sunday.

Similarly, Taylor Hackford (“Ray”) and Alexander Payne (“Sideways”) are a bit too obscure for Academy voters so it comes down to a straight fight between heavyweights Clint Eastwood (“Million Dollar Baby”) and Martin Scorsese (“The Aviator”).

Big Clint was nominated last year for “Mystic River” and has won before for “Unforgiven” but this is Scorsese’s fifth nomination and he’s never won once. So blending the RHM© theory with unabashed sentiment (a hypothesis I’ve still to research fully), Martin Scorsese will win best director.

Tomorrow, Best Actor.


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