Monday, February 14, 2005

Tartan Shorts 4 - Special Valentine's Day Edition


News story of the week: After intense pressure from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, the Vermont Teddy Bear Company has announced that it will no longer sell it’s “Crazy for You” bear. The bear, which comes complete with straitjacket and commitment papers, retailed at around $70 and was a huge seller in the run up to Valentine’s Day… $70??? For a stuffed animal??? The lunatics have indeed taken over the asylum.

Compliment of the week: “You’re a local, right?” (The barista in Starbucks as he gave my scruffy appearance the once over before deciding whether to ring up my order with the Key West resident discount.)

Disappointment of the week: I’ve just got to the point in the 5th Harry Potter book where Harry has a Valentine’s Day date in a coffee shop with his first proper girlfriend, a girl in his year called Cho. Utterly confusing him with some devious, feminine wordplay, she ends up running out of the shop in tears. I can barely bring myself to read any further, secure in the knowledge that Cho has realised she prefers older guys and will leave Harry’s feelings trampled and permanently scarred in her wake.

Radio song of the week: “Modern Love” by David Bowie. With a thumping backbeat reminiscent of the late, great Ronnie D. Grant, this song swept me back to Ibiza ’84 in the blink of an eye. Good times.

Curious State law of the week: In Arizona, when being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.

Child quote of the week: “What’s erectile dysfunction?” (The price you pay for letting kids stay up a few minutes past the 9pm watershed for television commercials, just because it’s Superbowl night.)

9 Comments:

At 14/2/05 2:13 pm, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

Missed a bit? Moi? Never! Anyway I went
better now thanks very much...

 
At 14/2/05 2:15 pm, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

Have you read all the rest of the Harry Potter books then? I think those kids will go a long way. Did you answer them? Did they listen? Are you still having fun?

 
At 14/2/05 2:26 pm, Blogger Neil said...

Yes. I agree. No. Never. Absolutely.

 
At 14/2/05 4:30 pm, Blogger DC said...

Soaps,
1984 was indeed a good year for Ronnie -- Modern Love, but I thought the drummer kept pretty good time in that one( it wasn't a drum machine was it ?).

What's Ronnie doing these days? Last I heard he was still a bit of a recluse and hadn't yet got over being replaced by George in AHB - the possible reunion wont help him much reintegrating into society.

DC

 
At 14/2/05 8:53 pm, Blogger DC said...

Neil,
Valentine's day always makes me think of Big Davy Watson - it's his birthday & he was almost called Valentino- I wonder what he's doing now ?

DC

 
At 15/2/05 9:53 am, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

Glad you're still having fun munchiebutt.
Burreh...did you not know my aim in life is to be like Jonathan Woss? Fat and blonde...mmm...so sexy...that "I-can't-believe-he-still-has-his-own-teef" voice...

 
At 16/2/05 12:38 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And how did you respond to Child Quote of the Week?

Stuart

 
At 16/2/05 2:03 pm, Blogger Neil said...

With a pretend snore followed by a grunt followed by a "Right, time for bed."

 
At 17/2/05 11:04 am, Blogger DC said...

Neil,
Thank's for the quiet word on the late Ronnie D situation.I often get mixed up between him and Doug E Grant - I think it was Doug that lost the plot ,at least for a while during the late 80's.Were they related?
DC

 

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