Something For The Weekend 5(a)
Rather than have my pal Dave sit in a darkened cinema this weekend or traipse around an art gallery looking for stuff to steal, I thought it was about time he got himself out in the fresh air to face up to his anger management issues.
It’s a fairly common occurrence for him to get a tad upset on a golf course if he doesn’t get enough to drink or takes three putts from four feet with his little pink golf ball and playing partners have been known to keep a safe distance of 100 yards or so in case any flying clubs start whistling around their ears. None of us are quite sure of the origins of Dave’s anger (and are too afraid to enquire further) but we’re pretty sure it has something to with being dressed as a girl for the first 13 years of his life.
So to help with both the mental and technical side of his game, here are a couple of training videos to demonstrate both the right and wrong ways to think and swing. In this first instalment we can see our hardy volunteer Bruce (one-time annual golf outing champion) grip his club a little too tightly and thrash away as if he’s trying to finish an important ‘personal project’ before his Mum gets home. If we could listen to the hysterical self-talk buzzing around his brain it would sound a little something like this…
Shot 1: “Right ya wee f#cker… I’m gonna smash you as hard as I can just like I’ve seen that Dave-boy doing when he’s angry. Aw f#ck, I’ve topped it.”
Shot 2: “Aw sh#t, he’s moving the camera round the back so he’ll see where the ball goes. Quick Bruce, hit it at as fast as you can.”
Shot 3: “Okay, I’m REALLY gonna f#ck this one into orbit. Come here ya wee sh#te till I hit you. Right Bruce, whatever you do, don’t shank it to the right. F###CK!! Stupid game this.”
It’s a fairly common occurrence for him to get a tad upset on a golf course if he doesn’t get enough to drink or takes three putts from four feet with his little pink golf ball and playing partners have been known to keep a safe distance of 100 yards or so in case any flying clubs start whistling around their ears. None of us are quite sure of the origins of Dave’s anger (and are too afraid to enquire further) but we’re pretty sure it has something to with being dressed as a girl for the first 13 years of his life.
So to help with both the mental and technical side of his game, here are a couple of training videos to demonstrate both the right and wrong ways to think and swing. In this first instalment we can see our hardy volunteer Bruce (one-time annual golf outing champion) grip his club a little too tightly and thrash away as if he’s trying to finish an important ‘personal project’ before his Mum gets home. If we could listen to the hysterical self-talk buzzing around his brain it would sound a little something like this…
Shot 1: “Right ya wee f#cker… I’m gonna smash you as hard as I can just like I’ve seen that Dave-boy doing when he’s angry. Aw f#ck, I’ve topped it.”
Shot 2: “Aw sh#t, he’s moving the camera round the back so he’ll see where the ball goes. Quick Bruce, hit it at as fast as you can.”
Shot 3: “Okay, I’m REALLY gonna f#ck this one into orbit. Come here ya wee sh#te till I hit you. Right Bruce, whatever you do, don’t shank it to the right. F###CK!! Stupid game this.”
posted by Neil @ 12:09 am
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