And The Kids Just Keep On Comin'

In stunning developments earlier this week, Stuart Sutherland - web genius available for all manner of freelance internet work - pulled ahead in The Race For The Sutherland Family Inheritance by producing (via wife Dawn) his third grandchild for joyous grandparents Bill and Fiona. Jude Middle-Names-To-Be-Decided Sutherland was born at 9.50pm on Tuesday night during a successful home delivery (after a call to Dominos no doubt) and weighed something heavier than an apple but less than a lawn mower. (Hey, I’m a man – I never remember the weight details!)

With two other sons, Joe 28(?) and Fraser 2 going on 30, already under his belt (not literally) Stuart now tops the baby-making league table, with sister Rona only marginally behind in second place. (Barren siblings Keith and Neil were unavailable for comment.)

Many family observers had speculated that the production of the first, and to date, only granddaughter back in April, would have brought Rona much kudos with the auld folks, a point Rona was keen to underline in enthusiastic manner at around 2am on Sunday morning with a titanic glass of white wine in her hands during the last remnants of a family wedding.

“You can’t put a frickin’ price on a granddaughter,” she shrieked, waking the aforementioned granddaughter three floors above. “Get the wills changed NOW, cositzinthebag!”

Stuart’s decision to stay home at the weekend and oversee the boiling of water and tearing up of white sheets to make emergency.. eh.. towels(?) seems to have paid off big style however as Bill and Fiona were spotted entering the offices of their lawyers early on Wednesday morning.

“It was a great night for all concerned,” announced Stuart to the waiting media camped on his doorstep. “Mother and baby are doing well and young Fraser was a star throughout keeping us entertained with his knife-juggling and his guess-that-anatomical-part game.

For his part, Fraser kept his thoughts to himself about the new arrival but seemed to be calculating which part of the baby’s forehead would make a good track for him to run his little red engine over.