Two Go Down To The Sea

This fascinating story may be edited and updated later if the photos I took on my phone ever arrive in my in-box… stupid, f#cking, modern technology…

When the sun is up, there’s nothing A Boy And His Dog like more than taking a trip to the seaside. What fun it is to see the millions of tourists parking their People Carriers across TWO parking spaces before wandering aimlessly through town dribbling ice cream down their chins. The morons.

So after spending what seemed like several hours packing the car with tennis balls, soft toys, a rug, a quilt thing, some towels, a plastic sling thing to throw the tennis balls, chewy treats, a lead and the ever-popular pooper bags, Hamish and I finally set off this morning for the great Kingdom of Fife. Hamish was in fine fettle, looking forward to getting sand in every orifice and was non-stop chatty on the drive north.

Hamish: “Hey Neil.”
Neil: “What is it?”
Hamish: “Are we there yet?”
Neil: “I’ve just reversed out the bloody drive you muppet. I told you, it’s a one hour trip. So no farting, all right?”
Hamish: “Okay! Jeez, you fart in a new owner’s face once… Say, what’s your column about today in the Daily Record?”
Neil: “Oh very funny. Do you want to go on this bloody trip or not?”
Hamish: “Sorry, couldn’t resist. In all seriousness, I was genuinely sorry to hear you’d been dumped from two jobs within the space of a month. That’s gotta hurt.”
Neil: “As much as having your balls cut off?”
Hamish: “Touché mon amie. Anyway, what’s this music we’re listening to?”
Neil: “Glad you asked me about that. I bought it yesterday at the shops after…”
Hamish: “After abandoning me at home in the middle of the afternoon?”
Neil: “Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, I was in the record shop and this album was playing and I asked the guy who it was and he said it had just been released today; some Irish fellow called Fionn Regan and I said ‘well okay then I’ll take it’ and the album’s called End of History and it’s a beautiful collection of songs and voice and acoustic guitar and I’ll be recommending it to everyone and I bet my pal Sai in Barcelona knows him personally but the funny thing is, it’s been years since I’ve just bought something on the spur of the moment in a record shop after only one hearing. Weird huh?”
Hamish: “F#cking-A. Glad I asked.”

Short pause (paws?)

Hamish: “Neil?”
Neil: “What?”
Hamish: “Are we there yet?”