Monday, July 02, 2007

The PIR

If you’re looking for some respite from the incessant BBC News 24 and Sky News attempts to outdo each other with ‘Breaking News’…

“So John, reports coming in now of further suspicious characters lurking round Glasgow Airport - what can you tell us?”

“Well Bill, details are scant but I can now confirm that I too have heard that there are rumours of reports of several individuals carrying what looks like bottles with a liquid and/or liquids contained therein and walking in a highly suspicious manner on the cracks in the pavement. John?”

… go to this highly respected media outlet for the last word in cutting edge journalism, comment and opinion.

Two men who drove a lit car into the main concourse at Glasgow Airport are to be charged under Scotland’s tough anti-smoking laws.

While you’re at it, check out a hero for our time.

Those hapless al-Qaeda boys were to find out that Glasgow has no respect for international terrorism – nobody gets between 10,000 Weegies and a £99 week in Ibiza booked on Thursday night through Barrhead Travel.”

And can you imagine the scene back at cell headquarters as they assemble to conduct their Post Implementation Review?

Mr Blue: “So boys, the Glasgow job. Not exactly Oceans 11, was it?”
Mr Blonde: “Freakin’ locals. They were all in the bar by the time we got there.”
Mr Pink: “Yeah, but if you hadn’t been waving that frickin’ razor at the first cop that came along…”
Mr Blonde: “Whatchu say Pink? I’ll skin you clean and then visit your momma for…”
Mr Blue: “Boys, boys, let’s stick to the agenda. Now what went well?”
Mr Brown: “The suits and glasses were pretty cool?”
Mr Blue: “And what could’ve gone better?”
Mr White: “Shoulda gone with plan B? Edinburgh?”
Mr Blue: “Yeah, right enough. I mean… Glasgow… what were we thinking?”

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