Sunday, February 03, 2008

Viva Las Signalas

Well… only five more sleeps now (plus ad-hoc naps) until The Signals play “the gig of the decade” on Friday night in Falkirk. As you can imagine, this weekend has seen a flurry of activity as I’ve struggled off the couch countless times (I know it was more than 23 because I ran out of fingers and toes) to shuffle over to the opposite wall, pick up my guitar, return to the couch, strum a while and then shuffle back to replace the guitar on its stand.

I also managed to leave the house for a bit earlier today to visit the eldest member of the band who was celebrating a birthday. Good manners and loyal friendship preclude me from revealing the exact age and identity of our stocky bass player but judging by the demolished smoke detector and charred kitchen ceiling, there were a “fair few” candles burning on the birthday cake this weekend.

To get myself acclimatised to the inevitable outpouring of adulation and gratitude that a “triumphant homecoming gig” is likely to generate, I purchased the local weekly paper – The Falkirk Herald – on Saturday for the first time in about 10 years to gauge the current temperature of the community. Surprised not to find a glossy, full-colour, 16-page, souvenir of “The Life & Times of The Signals” enclosed within, I made do instead with numerous lively snippets of local news covering all manner of subjects, clubs and societies… church meetings, classic cars, yoga, bowling, mountaineering, floral art, camera, Brownies, Rainbows, Girls Brigade, Rotary, RNLI, AA, RAC, KKK… you name it!

My very favourite though was for a group calling themselves the National Women’s Register. Their ad is as follows… (guys – I am not making this up.)

“This is a discussion group for lively minded women who meet in each other’s homes in Falkirk district on a Wednesday at 8pm. If you’re a woman with an inquiring mind, and like a chance to express yourself, then please phone Alison on 01324… for further details.”

My only question is this… how big must their homes be to accommodate EVERY WOMAN I’VE EVER MET… EVER in Falkirk district or elsewhere for that matter?

The discussion topic for the meeting this coming Wednesday is “Mexico: a land of great beauty, wealth and poverty”. And the ad concludes with the somewhat disturbing information that “the ladies will also be trying some Mexican food”. Even using my patented and very generous “Food Portions Calculator Thingy”™, that is a sh#tload of fajitas!

And finally, despite what I said earlier, Happy 44th Birthday Donald. Your pre-gig haircut was looking sharp today but I’d still recommend reconsidering the gay Elvis t-shirt and pork pie hat ensemble. Oh... and remember it's F# in 'Dream Catch Me' and B in 'Ballroom' and 'The One I Love'!!


At 4/2/08 10:18 am, Anonymous flirty banter said...

Get your lip gloss on and get to Falkirk !!!

Free fajitas and there'll undoubtedly be beer and women, what're you waiting for ?

At 5/2/08 3:21 am, Blogger Kell said...

I've only been just over the border in Mexico and don't want to remember how sick I got. I didn't drink the water, but I did drink a margarita on the rocks. Seems like ice counts as water. Go figure. I also remember, though, the cheap Kahlua.

At 5/2/08 9:31 am, Anonymous DC said...


Thanks for the warm , sincere ,birthday wishes and haircut compliment( you may note the I also trimmed my impressive sidies). I must say your new hairstyle is rather sharp also.

Thanks also for the wardrobe advice - in the spirit of your post I may now reconsider & might go for a kinda Mexican groove , lets face it all Mexicans are short, swarthy , stocky types with dodgy facial hair, nice hats & boots , and flared trousers.

Finally thanks for the muso advice . I don't really understand what it means , but I'm sure it'll all work out after a few beers/ tequilas .

Are you still considering the leather waistcoat,( worn over nothing but your bare chest), tight jeans tucked into pointy boots combo?




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