Sunday, June 26, 2005

Seven Days Was All He Wrote

What a slightly surreal week it’s been.

On Monday, my young nephew Joe went for an audition in London for the lead role in a new Harry Potter-type, Hollywood blockbuster. I’d tell you more but then I’d have to kill you… before he kills me for even mentioning it.

On Tuesday I got offered a new job by my old company which I readily accepted because I’m (not so) young and desperate for the money. I’d no sooner put the phone down when I got a call from the BBC asking if I’d like to audition for a television show!!

On Wednesday I got to play guitar and sing with the greatest rock ‘n roll band in the world, The Signals.

On Thursday I was having a lunch in a local café when the waitress mentioned that she thought she recognised my face. Scrambling for a pen to sign my first autograph as a newspaper columnist I was quickly cut down to size when she said, “Aw aye, you were sittin’ in front of me at the U2 gig the other night.”

On Friday I went to see classy American singer songwriter Maria McKee at King Tut’s Wah Wah Hut in Glasgow. As the name suggests, this is a small, dark and extremely sweaty venue which was full to its 200 capacity to enjoy an electrifying performance. Eat your heart out Bono.

On Saturday I became a bouncer for the night at the 14th birthday party of Mhairi Campbell, daughter to bass guitar legend Donald and his demure wife Michelle. You can readallaboutit, as we say in the newspaper game, in Tuesday’s Daily Record.

And today on Sunday, like God, I rested.

Ordinarily I would flesh out (or “pimp up” as the kids say nowadays) these stories with more detail and a smattering of untruths but to be honest I can’t be arsed because the weather is just so damn gorgeous here in Scotland at the moment. It seems criminal to spend any time at all indoors in front of a keyboard; time that’s far better spent wandering the golf courses of my great nation or slumped in the back garden giving my man breasts.. eh, I mean my pecs, a right good sun tan.


At 27/6/05 1:50 pm, Blogger DC said...


Don't know about surreal,but, like,sounds like it's been pure dead totally ,total, buzzin' man. Imagine working for a living- pah !

Hope you've mentioned,numerous times, just how "solid" the kids thought I was. Well perhaps not- is "solid" not just another name for "fat" ?

Look forward to the article- seems to me that each of the above days events could be expanded on /lied about quite easily.

Finally, I have yet another proposition which would provide you with endless and varied opportunities to further your writing career.Please contact me for further details.You do like cats don't you ?


At 27/6/05 7:11 pm, Blogger Pigman said...

Good to hear you got to see Maria, she is amazing. She seems to get better with age.


At 4/7/05 12:54 am, Blogger carl said...

46-D, eh? Hmmm, no wonder you are a popular Scot in your kilt!


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