Scotland Ablaze With Terror Shocker!

The eyes of the world are trained hard on Scotland this week and on Monday it all kicked off big style. If I hadn’t seen it with my own sensitive eyes, I don’t think I would’ve believed it.

Innocent women and children running for their lives, paralysed with fear as dark forces roamed the streets wielding weapons of awesome power. The police and security services seemingly helpless as the marauders from other lands marched on relentlessly. Once gorgeous parks and landscapes forever scarred by the wanton destruction that cut a merciless swathe through it all.

But then, when all seemed utterly lost and hopeless, Tom Cruise pointed out that birds were now able to settle on the tripods indicating that their shields were down and the soldiers let loose with a terrifying volley of rockets, bazookas and cannon fire.

“Eat THAT shit nasty alien dudes,” he would have screamed had the screenplay been written by Bill or Ted or Wayne.

Visit Edinburgh for the G8 demonstrations? I’d rather spend a pleasant Monday wandering around the loch in Linlithgow, drinking coffee and eating scones waiting for my car to get fixed and then wiling away the afternoon at the movies.

If we all did a bit more of that there would be less hate and misery in the world… and we’d all get totally clued up about how to kick some serious alien ass when the real invaders come a-calling.