Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Ladies. Form An Orderly Queue

Long ago in the olden days – the days before my computer died and I had to rebuild it all from scratch breaking a fingernail in the process and failing to retrieve my favourite funny video of the monkey who sticks his finger up his arse and then sniffs it and then falls over– I was going to try and post some photos of a recent family wedding attended by me and my kilt. However, after a series of comedic errors of comedy, my camera somehow found its way across the Atlantic to pursue a different career in the New World of opportunity. It’s currently mowing lawns in Connecticut for $2 an hour.

Undaunted by this setback, I returned to a life of idleness and daytime television and was quite happy with my lot until my sassy future-sister-in-law Kathryn got in touch with a solution.

Ring, ring.
Neil: “Uurrgghh”
Kathryn: “Neil, it’s Kathryn. ‘Sup dude?”
Neil: “Are you f#cking serious? How many bloody times have I told you to add five hours before you call from the States? You bloody Americans have NO consideration for anyone elsewhere in the world. Don’t you know what bloody time it is?”
Kathryn: “But it’s one in the afternoon here.”
Neil: “Oh.. eh.. right. Aw, sh#t, I’ve missed the ‘Friends’ omnibus. What do you want anyway?”
Kathryn: “That video of you dancing at the wedding is on you tube.”
Neil: “Who the hell are you calling a tube? And which programme is it on? America’s Most Wanted?”
Kathryn: “No Neili. It’s an internet thing called You Tube. I’ll send you an email with a link.”
Neil: “You’ll send me a whoseit with a whatcha now? Kathryn? Hello?

Anyway, apparently the whatcha below will take you to a place where a video of me dancing in a kilt will be played. Thankfully, the video is very short and very dark but if you view it closely 200 or so times, you’ll just be able to make out the unmistakable swirl of the tartan as I wow the English womenfolk with my white-man’s overbite and my slinky moves. If the dancing appears out of time with the music this will be because of the satellite delay between here and America. Oh and don’t read anything into the song title – it’s just a dance classic that I love from my days attending those dark underground clubs in the 80s.


At 23/8/06 2:55 pm, Anonymous Samantha said...

I can't get it to load. Is there a link for it?

At 23/8/06 4:25 pm, Blogger Neil said...

Mmmm... I'll get in touch with someone more knowledgeable about these things and let you know.

At 23/8/06 8:57 pm, Blogger Lesley said...

You've got that legendary celtic sense of rhythmn I see. (I have it too, so cool it's frightening)

At 23/8/06 9:00 pm, Blogger Lesley said...

You see, I can't even spell the friggin' word.

At 23/8/06 10:00 pm, Anonymous Samantha said...


At 25/8/06 9:36 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neil, you'll be pleased to know that your camera is now safe and sound and we've hired a proper gardener. By the way - do you want it back??

Additionally, what did I tell you about dancing in front of the camera... get those shoulders moving and groovin...spread the joy.

At 29/8/06 12:34 am, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

Wow. I can see why you loved "fame" so much. You are a brave man to put that video there for all to see...if you EVER make it over to Barcelona we'll have to go to either a dark club or one of those that chain you to the tables to ensure you don't get taken advantage of...

At 29/8/06 12:35 am, Blogger Green Glass Beads said...

In fact, it is better than that dude who dances all over the world...that was the intention, wasn't it? Dancing all over the place, while wearing a kilt...

At 29/8/06 8:47 pm, Blogger DC said...


Hamish says that its obvious that this was filmed before your time together "kitty chasing".He says that you should show the world, ( or the 5 people who read your blog), the moves that he taught you - they've always worked for him.



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